Last week, I took my 4 year old son, Andrew, to a McDonalds Playland with a few other moms and tots. We all had a wonderful time together. The kids were playing nicely and the moms had a few moments to chat with each other. Everything was going so well, in fact, that as our friends left the restaurant Andrew and I decided to stay a little longer.

Around 20 minutes later, I noticed a cute little boy on the very top of the structure screaming and crying because someone had stepped on his foot. His mom called to him to come down so she could see what happened and then they could leave.

“I’m not coming down EVER!” screamed the little boy. And much to the mother’s dismay, as much as she tried to gently coax the boy down he continued to run around the top floor.

Eventually, the little boy calmed down, played for a few minutes while still at the top, made a new friend and finally slid down the slide to his very patient mother who was… ME! Yes, that was my child. And I was the mortified parent (who has taken a silent oath never to go to a McDonalds Playland for the rest of my life).

The worst part was that all of my friends had already left so my moral support was nil. There was no one to say, “Oh, that’s happened to all of us, Susan.” Or, “My, Andrew’s vocal chords are sure strong.”

I didn’t even get any sympathy stares from anyone. Maybe everyone thought I looked a little insane. After all, I was chuckling a little because I did find the situation sort of amusing. Andrew would obviously be down in a minute or two, I would definitely take him out of the restaurant the moment he came down (with a bag over my head) and now I had inspiration for my next column.

Since I knew that many parents have, at some point, had a hard time getting their children to leave somewhere I called my good friend, Buffalo Grove resident Carolyn Lewis, LCSW Licensed Clinical Social Worker. I told Carolyn about my lovely McDonald’s experience and this is what she had to say:

“Young children want to assert their independence. They like to test limits to see how far they can push and how much power and control they can obtain. How they do this can drive parents crazy.”

Next, Carolyn gave a few pointers for successfully leaving public places with one’s children.

1. Be proactive. Give children time warnings (even if they cannot tell time) when getting ready to leave somewhere. You might tell your child when he has 5 minutes left of play, 3 minutes left of play, 1 minute left of play, and then let him know it is now time to go home.

2. Allow children to feel in control. Children feel more in control when they get to make their own decisions. If your child won’t leave a public place you might give him options about how to behave, giving him the power to make the decision. For example, you might say, "Bobby, it's time to leave now because we have some errands to run. Do you think you should come down from the top by hopping, wiggling your hips, or by walking?"

3. Be prepared with reasonable consequences for noncompliant behavior--and be prepared to follow through with those consequences. If you tell your child that he is never going back to wherever you are if he doesn't leave right away, chances are, he knows you are full of it and that you won't ever follow through with that consequence.

4. If your child continues not to comply, you might have to just go and get him from wherever he is. At that point, he might be kicking and screaming and tantruming. You would be mortified and hoping that no one you know was at or near the place where you were. Oh well! Unfortunately, this kind of behavior happens with children. If you give in to a tantrum in order to diffuse the situation because you are in a public place, your child will learn that if he tantrums, he gets his way. If you take him to the car, even with him kicking and screaming, he can finish the tantrum there and learns that that behavior is not acceptable.

“I personally like to talk to my child like a little adult, processing situations with her and "why" she is behaving a certain way,” says Carolyn. “But really, with young children, that isn't always effective. They hear very little of what we are saying. Instead of saying a lot, saying less, yet important messages are really more helpful.”

Carolyn also spoke a little more on disciplining in a public place.

“Public places scare people when disciplining,” says Carolyn. “People perceive what other people will think about them. It’s the same as when people are teenagers where your self image is important to you. It doesn’t change as we get older and we are still consumed with how people perceive us.”

“A lot of people are sitting there thinking, ‘Gosh what is everyone thinking?’” says Lewis. “People who end up in those situations are often more worried about what people are thinking of them than how to best deal with situations that escalate with kids. The truth is not all kids need to be disciplined in the same way. There is not necessarily one right way to get the same end result as long as you have your child’s best interest and safety in mind.”

Furthermore, “I’ve often heard parents say, ‘Fine if you don’t come down I’m just going to leave without you,’” says Carolyn. “Most people don’t mean that which becomes an empty threat. After the first time you threaten a consequence and don’t follow through with it, kids are smart enough to know that they can get away with that particular behavior.”

Well, although I’m glad I was able to remain calm and rational during my fun McDonalds situation I will definitely keep Carolyn Lewis’ excellent advice in mind should the need for it ever arise again.

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© 2007 Susan Dubin, Buffalo Grove, Illinois